Non-supportive wife.

This is a bit of a weird one. Since we were serious enough to know we'd probably get married in the future, after about 6 months of being an item, HID and I would talk about our life plans and what they might involve, kids, jobs, that sort of thing. And what couldn't happen in the future, such as HID getting a second tattoo. He already had one (from age 15!! His voice broke very early and is deliciously deep so he passed for a lot older) when we met and I really dislike tattoos. I think there will come a time when they are regretted bitterly, no matter how much you like them at the time. (Although 12 years on, HID is still pleased as punch with his Asian style dragon. Which I have to admit would look stunning painted onto silk and mounted on a wall).

Another of my "no's" was motorcycle riding. I think it it unbelievably dangerous, even for the most cautious and safe of riders, there are just far too many idiots on the roads for it to be safe. Even if there wasn't, the temptation to just push yourself, and the bike, to "see what it can do" could prove overwhelming to even the most level-headed of petrol-heads. My step-dad used to ride in his youth, and was very irresponsible, especially before the drink-driving rules came in. My mum has never let him have a bike, and I've never wanted HID to have one either, although I've never forbade it, I'm not that kind of wife. I've simply made my views known, expressing how selfish it seems to me to risk one's life with a young family at home. I even told him I'd rather him get a tattoo on his face, and that's saying something!

After discussions, I decided when he was older and wiser, it possibly wouldn't be the absolute end of the world (or at least I may be able to pretend it wasn't and possibly even be supportive), so I said give me ten years. I had even planned in my head to cut this short by a few years, and present him with a bike & some gear on his 30th birthday. However, since passing his degree on Thursday with a mark that exceeding our expectations, he joked about me treating him to a bike. I was adamant that would not be the case. He'd just been watching too much of his "Long Way Down/Round" DVD (I curse myself for buying him these, and for enjoying it so much myself, it makes it seem like I accept it).

The text came through on Friday, informing me we'd have to cut our weekend away short as his CBT (basic training to ride a, I'm assured, very slow bike) was booked for 9am-3pm Sunday.

Not impressed. Floods of tears, imagining him dying before he even meets the new baby, and me alone, raising two under twos. Not just that, he'd done something I'd told him I was very unsure about. Not forbidden, but asked him to wait. For me. (Plus, spending all Sunday out enjoying himself, while I've to entertain a teething toddler while in pain with SPD. Great)

Sod's law, he passed. He's out now collecting his new (very slow, I'm assured) bike. He loves me, he says, he's bought above and beyond normal safety gear, stuff normal bikers don't bother with. He's such a cautious driver, how could he be a bad rider? He will factor in for other driver's stupidity. He used to ride passenger with his very cautious step-dad, he knows how to be a good rider, having seen it first hand via a great role model. I can't convince myself. I was forcing myself to congratulate him on passing, when I was really hoping he'd fail, although I knew he wouldn't. I don't even want to see the bike. What can I do to make myself feel ok about this? I've been bought flowers and chocolates, but it's not made a dent. I'm still mad. I'm never mad at him, he's usually the perfect husband! No really!

Plus, I feel like this has taken away from how very proud I am of hi for getting his degree while working full time, renovating a house, having a baby, and a very poorly wife to care for, he really is amazing.