Sunday, June 28, 2009

Non-supportive wife.

This is a bit of a weird one. Since we were serious enough to know we'd probably get married in the future, after about 6 months of being an item, HID and I would talk about our life plans and what they might involve, kids, jobs, that sort of thing. And what couldn't happen in the future, such as HID getting a second tattoo. He already had one (from age 15!! His voice broke very early and is deliciously deep so he passed for a lot older) when we met and I really dislike tattoos. I think there will come a time when they are regretted bitterly, no matter how much you like them at the time. (Although 12 years on, HID is still pleased as punch with his Asian style dragon. Which I have to admit would look stunning painted onto silk and mounted on a wall).

Another of my "no's" was motorcycle riding. I think it it unbelievably dangerous, even for the most cautious and safe of riders, there are just far too many idiots on the roads for it to be safe. Even if there wasn't, the temptation to just push yourself, and the bike, to "see what it can do" could prove overwhelming to even the most level-headed of petrol-heads. My step-dad used to ride in his youth, and was very irresponsible, especially before the drink-driving rules came in. My mum has never let him have a bike, and I've never wanted HID to have one either, although I've never forbade it, I'm not that kind of wife. I've simply made my views known, expressing how selfish it seems to me to risk one's life with a young family at home. I even told him I'd rather him get a tattoo on his face, and that's saying something!

After discussions, I decided when he was older and wiser, it possibly wouldn't be the absolute end of the world (or at least I may be able to pretend it wasn't and possibly even be supportive), so I said give me ten years. I had even planned in my head to cut this short by a few years, and present him with a bike & some gear on his 30th birthday. However, since passing his degree on Thursday with a mark that exceeding our expectations, he joked about me treating him to a bike. I was adamant that would not be the case. He'd just been watching too much of his "Long Way Down/Round" DVD (I curse myself for buying him these, and for enjoying it so much myself, it makes it seem like I accept it).

The text came through on Friday, informing me we'd have to cut our weekend away short as his CBT (basic training to ride a, I'm assured, very slow bike) was booked for 9am-3pm Sunday.

Not impressed. Floods of tears, imagining him dying before he even meets the new baby, and me alone, raising two under twos. Not just that, he'd done something I'd told him I was very unsure about. Not forbidden, but asked him to wait. For me. (Plus, spending all Sunday out enjoying himself, while I've to entertain a teething toddler while in pain with SPD. Great)

Sod's law, he passed. He's out now collecting his new (very slow, I'm assured) bike. He loves me, he says, he's bought above and beyond normal safety gear, stuff normal bikers don't bother with. He's such a cautious driver, how could he be a bad rider? He will factor in for other driver's stupidity. He used to ride passenger with his very cautious step-dad, he knows how to be a good rider, having seen it first hand via a great role model. I can't convince myself. I was forcing myself to congratulate him on passing, when I was really hoping he'd fail, although I knew he wouldn't. I don't even want to see the bike. What can I do to make myself feel ok about this? I've been bought flowers and chocolates, but it's not made a dent. I'm still mad. I'm never mad at him, he's usually the perfect husband! No really!

Plus, I feel like this has taken away from how very proud I am of hi for getting his degree while working full time, renovating a house, having a baby, and a very poorly wife to care for, he really is amazing.


At 8:47 pm , Blogger SandyCalico said...

You poor thing. I would hate to be in your position, I dislike motorbikes too. But I also know plenty of sensible riders who avoid trouble on the roads. It sounds like he is going to be one of the sensible ones.
When the new baby arrives he won't have much time for riding anyway! x

At 3:35 pm , Blogger Cave Mother said...

Just to reassure you - not all bikers are stupid. My other half is a biker and though he was irresponsible in his youth, he is really sensible now. A good, experienced rider is so hyper aware of the road that he should be able to keep himself out of danger. I hope your husband can take it easy until he has built up lots of experience of his own. My dad is also a biker and has never had an accident (and I've ridden pillion with him).

Don't worry too much about him riding, but try to persuade him to stick to a sensible size of bike (like a 250) for a good couple of years before he gets a really fast one. With a smaller bike the rider can develop good roadcraft and learn to handle a bike without the temptation to open the throttle and go too fast. This is really important. The bikers who die are the ones who are prematurely riding bikes that they don't know how to handle.

At 6:29 pm , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh i understand your feeling on this one, I too have requested the no bike rule.... Mr would love, and so far he has 'done the right thing' but I know it is only a matter of time. ;(

But well done to him for his achievements *applause*!

At 5:21 pm , Blogger allgrownup said...

thanks for the words of support guys, I think I really needed it.Nothing like this has ever happened in our marriage, we don't even argue! I'm slowly getting over it. I can't stay mad forever, especially as (much as I cringe and hate to admit it) he looks very sexy in his biker gear.....god, I'm such a soft touch!

At 9:17 pm , Blogger clareybabble said...

I'd be worried too so I totally understand how you feel! But it sounds like your hubby is a sensible man...
I know that in our area the police often hold safety meet ups for bikers and they follow them on a ride. Afterwards they tell them what they're doing wrong/well. Maybe you could see if the police do this in your area? Might make you feel a bit more confident in his riding skills. x


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