Monday, February 15, 2010

How do you eat yours??

This is my Valentines Day story. A few weeks ago, a very lovely friend read my blog post about me not wanting to leave Missis just yet, especially with a carer that didn't want to use a sling. As a seasoned, and pregnant, babywearer, she offered her services to reap some apparently "much needed" practice. (As if, this girl babywears like she invented slings!). This was via text. I couldn't think of any reason to have a babysitter (she just comes along with us) besides sex. Co-sleeping with your baby is a wonderful experience, but when your sofa is the £100 ikea one that's too narrow to lie on your back and not long enough to stretch out (and I'm only 5ft), unless you're feeling very energetic, sex has to be a very quiet and rushed affair, and on balance of waking a slumbering, light-sleeping baby, often isn't worth the trouble. A lightbulb went on in my head.

"Well, it might be nice to have sex again before my virginity grows back!" I replied.

So, before you know it, I had a babysitter for an hour of afternoon delight on the Saturday of Valentines weekend. Another few quick texts, and Boy was off to the local soft-play centre with his Auntie and Nana under the guise of HID and I "going out for lunch" and having "quality time" for Valentines day.

The day was much anticipated. I even shaved my legs the day before! Poor HID was so desperate that upon enjoying an Easter-themed desert one night after tea, I was practically growled at and told the way I eat a creme egg is almost sexual. I can assure you, the way I eat a creme egg is gross. I wouldn't do it in public, that's for sure.

Saturday came and we exchanged gifts early, we had both bought each other chocolates from Thorntons, fantastic, and HID had also splashed out on some lovely smellies from Lush, my favourite. Boy was taken out, and my friend arrived for Missis, and just like that, we were alone in our house for the first time in a very long time. With all that planning and anticipation, something was bound to go wrong, wasn't it?

Well, less than an hour later, HID was tucked up in bed nursing a bleeding member. I sort of accidentally bit him. I swear it wasn't my fault, or anything especially kinky! He just got a little over excited during oral sex (can you blame him?) and it was a particularly bad angle, I knew it was going to happen, but I had no way of warning him! I did not expect all the blood though, that was quite alarming, and if we hadn't been going pretty much without sex for the past six months, admittedly would have been a turn off.

Me, eyeing the injury: "Are you going to be ok?" (as in, to finish the job?)
Him: "I'll have to be!" (interpreted by me as a desperately horny [and brave] statement, but I found out later he was worrying about the physiological fact that all the blood was rushing towards the injured area due to his current state of arousal, and the only way to stop it was to actually go through with it, pain or not)

As much as I love sex, doing it to a schedule doesn't really work for me. I was paranoid that we were short of time (and, shamefully, kept checking), and that my mum and sister would bring Boy back early, when they had no idea what we were up to! Or that Missis wouldn't settle, and my friend had brought her back and was sitting directly beneath us in the sitting room. (A distant dog barking can sound remarkably like a baby's cry). Then I started worrying that the baby monitor was on, and a collection of people (mum, sister, friend, toddler, baby etc) were all listening to our amorous groaning! Needless to say, I couldn't concentrate. I certainly enjoyed myself, but between the blood on the sheets and my over active imagination, it didn't quite go to plan.

That night HID went to the cinema with his friend, on what I can only describe as a "man-date". Well, it was Valentine's eve, they went to see a romantic comedy, and his friend even dressed up nicely for him. For some reason (possibly missing his nap and a very busy day) Boy did not settle all evening, and at 10pm, I invited him downstairs to watch cartoons, lest his crying wake his sleeping sister while I was on my own and couldn't see to two of them at once. I was so lucky that Missis slept well (a rarity) but I still only got to bed at midnight, just before HID came home (after eventually switching his phone on and getting my texts asking him to hurry back). So when at 6am, Missis was awake, no longer wanting fed (all is usual but unfortunate after a late night), I felt perfectly justified in asking for a Valentines lie in. (But I did have to ask) I convinced HID to get up with her, and he also got Boy up when he woke, only bringing Missis back to me at 8.30 for a feed (which turned into a nap) so I didn't get up til after 9! Which was better than chocolate, and on a par with sex

That night, HID rented a film, and FORCED me to watch it. That is, watch it without the laptop on, or while folding nappies, or doing physio exercises, or any of the other million jobs I could have done. At first I was a bit panicky about having to relax properly (without sleeping), but as I felt a little unwell, I went with it. I really enjoyed myself, more than I had in ages! We watched "Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist" and it was great.

I love my husband. And he's feeling much better now, thank you ;-) (it was just a bruise.)

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At 2:04 pm , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.............................................


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