Slinging praises

I don't often share personal photos on my blog, but I figured what the hell! I love this picture of me and Missis, she will look very different in a few months anyway.

Missis is now four months old. She spends about 40% of her time in a sling or being fed, and 40% in our bed with us (being fed!), the other 20% is made up of being held, played with, or playing by herself/with her brother on the floor. She, like her brother before her, ABHORS being put down, unless it is her choice, and it's not one she makes often. So I carry her. I've just learned a few weeks ago how easy it is to put her on my back with a stretchy wrap. (a MAM eco babywearing set, with matching hat and booties, so cute, borrowed from slingmeet in orange, see above, then bought my very own :-) and dyed it purple, see above!) She loves riding on my back. Sometimes, when I had her on my front, she would push away and want to see what was going on. (I believe a baby should never be carried facing outwards, it puts too much pressure on the pelvis, and I suffer with a pelvic disorder). I was worried she didn't like being carried! But I've since found that a front carry is a sleepy position, and a back carry is for nosy babies. I carry her high, and she peeps over my left shoulder while I chop onions, or bath Boy, or hang out washing. I'm really at a loss to think what exactly I would have done (other than leave her to cry) without the sling while I look after a toddler too. In fact, that applies to looking after myself too. Making myself meals or drinks, brushing me teeth, going to the loo. I really don't know how people manage without slings, especially if they have more than one small child. Surely not all babies that don't get carried in slings are "good"? (Than awful word used to describe lethargic, quiet, complacent infants). If I didn't use a sling, Boy would quite possibly have to have all his naps and meals whenever it suited Missis (i.e. not very often) and I would have to wait until HID got home from his 12hr working day for me to have a wee or something to drink or eat. Either that or let her cry, something I cannot stomach unless absolutely essential. (i.e. 3 mins crying while being carried in the sling while I put Boy down for a nap, then I can feed her. And crying while being held by someone who loves you, and crying in a dark room alone are totally different things). What do people without slings DO with babies? How do they do other things? In the early days, I even used a special sling that I could wear in the shower so I could get clean without putting her down to cry. Now she's happy to sit in a bouncy chair for 5 mins while I chat to her through the glass door.

All this being said, I find it unbelievable to remember that I only borrowed my first sling when Boy was FOUR MONTHS OLD, the age Missis is now, who has spent hours upon hours in the sling. And Boy was even MORE high need than Missis. Well, perhaps Missis is just as high need as Boy was, but it's much less noticeable because we don't try to fight it by putting her down, we just take her with us. I really didn't enjoy Boy's newborn days. It could have been the rocky recovery from the birth, but it could have been the relentless carrying, even at night, and total neglect of my own needs for a baby that, even as 6 months old, woke every 2hours or less. When we started to carry him everywhere, he started to chill out. How did we cope without carrying him when he was tiny? It is really crazy to look back now. I rely on my slings so much.

I love helping out at my local slingmeet now. The lady that runs it is very pregnant and poorly at the moment, so some of us older members (all of whom either now have new babies or are expecting them within 6 months time) sort of run it when she's not able. Today was particularly busy! Lots of new ladies came needing help, demonstrations and wanting to borrow slings. We lent out 2 wraps, 3 mai-tais and a pouch! Missis was star demo baby, in & out, up & down, back, front and hip. I even popped Boy up on my back to demonstrate how long you can enjoy carrying for. I was pleasantly surprised I could still do it after a 6 months break!

post-script: while I was dyeing my sling purple, I amazed myself at my own genius by deciding to do the ultimate in recycling Boy's old baby clothes without dressing my gorgeous girl head to toe in blue. I popped a few stripey vests, a white cardigan, some beige cord pants, some blue baby-leg-warmers, and some striped trousers and even a few pairs of socks! Apart from the cardi, which is a dissapointing lilac, the rest look great! I'm so chuffed. Boy had a gorgeous dungaree set with a blue&browm striped vest, which Missis can now wear and look uber funky and girly at the same time!! They are not in the picture as she's wearing them :-)

The Best and Worst of baby products: a post for expectant and new mums!

Warning: Shockingly long post, sorry. There is a list of recommended reading at the end if you like books but can't bear to read all this blurb! Skip to that if you like. We bought a lot of stuff we didn't bother with for our first baby. Similarly, there were lots of items we came to a bit “late” and wished we had known about/ bought them earlier! Here is a list of my personal best and worst baby buys, for each good thing, there is usually a similar or opposite crap thing to be avoided! I've told you why below! But don't let me pursued you, every baby, and parent, is different. Have a read, see what you think, but my best advice is not to buy loads of baby gear before baby arrives. As long as you are reasonably healthy after the birth (unlike me!) you will be able to leave the house and shop gently for things you discover you need, as and when you realise you need them. This will save endless trips to the charity shop later to off-load all your junk.


Best buy:
A sling: last time we didn't discover slings til Boy was 4 m old, but this time, I'll be packing a sling in my hospital bag! Newborns need lots of reassurance in this strange new world, my Boy needed to be held almost constantly. Slings give you the hands-free opportunity to keep your baby close to the familiar beat of your heart and sounds of your digestive system, and warmth and smell of you, all the things he craves. And you can make a sandwich at the same time! I struggled to bond last time, and to breastfeed, and slings are great for both these, and PND, you can go skin to skin under the sling, which helps with all three. Have a look at :
http://www.lifftslings.com/site/content_home.php, which make the stylish sling pictured above, and give info on the scientific benefits better than I can! Or for a bigger range and help choosing, try: http://www.slingmeet.co.uk/ we were very lucky to have a local slings group, with highly informed members just waiting to help (and become my friends :-)) and a massive library of slings (& related products) to borrow for free for a week to try before you buy.

Worst buy: PRAM! Every bugger will tell you that you need one, this is not necessarily the case. Ours (and at least two friends I know agree re: their own pram) was a complete waste of money, and is only used by Nana, thus lives at her house. If you have to relent to the pressure, put off buying one as long as possible, and then get a £20 buggy when baby can sit up, and Nana can use that, instead of spending £500 on an all-singing & dancing high tech model that will rot under your stairs, as ours did. Slings are the way to go, even when they get heavier, if you've always carried, your body adjusts naturally and you don't notice the weight gain, then before you know it, they are asking to walk anyway!

Best buy:
Ice pops: this is a weird one, and a bit horrible to think about. I had 3rd degree (i.e. very extensive) tearing during the birth, and spent 4 hrs being repaired in surgery. I was SORE. HID suggested popping an ice pop wrapped in a flannel in my knickers: the relief was immense. I also bought a cheap kids rubber ring to sit on for a while (6 months!!) too.

Best Buy:
Lansinoh cream: for breastfeeding. Do be warned though, it stained all my bras and pj tops, so remember to put a breast pad in too. It can be quite stiff to apply, and that's the last thing you want on your ultra-sensitive nipples, so warm it between your fingers before applying, or keep on to of a radiator. It's expensive stuff, but the only thing that got me through the painful early days of breastfeeding.

Worst buy:
Disposable breast pads. I did not ever “squirt” or “leak”, see above for the only thing I used breast pads for!! I have some washable ones, so will not be buying disposable this time.

Best buy:
Moonlight lamp: a plug in night light that gives a green glow: not bright enough to wake you or baby properly in the middle of the night, but more than enough light to feed by. Eco-friendly too.

Best buy:
Dishwasher baskets:if you bottle feed, or use dummies, or wish to sterilise any small toys/weaning equipment, these are fab! I didn't find out til later, but to put bottles in the dishwasher is to wash and sterilise them at the same time, due to the hot water! No more scrubbing then fiddling with the steriliser for me then! (And with ours having a setting that is more eco-friendly than filling a sink with hot water, it really was the way to go.) Dishwasher baskets are great for all those tiny items that would otherwise not really have a place in the dishwasher, and easily get lost. We had three! Ours were from Woolworths :-( but jojomamanbebe sells them too.

Best buy:
Sleepsuit bags/baby nightgowns: poppers on baby grows will become the bane of your life. Forget the whole thing and ask well-meaning relatives to buy you these instead of babygrows. They are open, but elasticated at the bottom, for midnight nappy changes, simply pull up the whole item. Akin to wearing a summer dress as apposed to going to the loo and struggling with the fly on your skinny jeans.....try ebay or jojomamanbebe.co.uk, known on mothercare site as baby bundlers.

Best Buy:
Baby sleeping bags: as soon as Boy was big enough, these replaced blankets for us. No more confusion as to how many times it's ok to fold a blanket, how thick should it be etc, as sleeping bags have clear instructions for the season. Plus, no kicking of covers & getting cold, thus waking up! Our Boy is an “active” sleeper, we often find him at the opposite end of the cot, wrong way round, or simply splayed horizontally, but his sleeping bags keep him well covered and happy. Bedtime is not bedtime without one. You don't even have to spend a fortune! Get to TKMaxx.

Worst buy:
Millions of blankets, currently in a bag at the bottom of the stairs waiting to go to the charity shop. You need one, maximum, if you use sleeping bags.

Best buy:
Shoo-Shoos (May find cheaper on ebay, but as an idea of what they are.)
Baby shoes do not stay on. Ever! You will lose one of a very cute pair, and be gutted. Until you see the light and choose shoo-shoos. Then you will never allow baby to wear another!! These soft shoes are also great for letting baby's feet develop naturally, and stepping in these is akin to walking barefoot, and professionals recommend 1st steps should be done barefoot.

Worst buy:
Any other type of shoe in the days before baby can walk!

Best buy:
Ikea Antilop high chair: this is literally an essential for every baby household come the time to try grown-up food, especially if you plan to BLW. (which can cause extra mess, and this product is literally the easiest thing to clean on the market!!!) You must buy it, as it is only £9.78. You can buy the tray separately too but we never bothered as it fit straight under our dining table, so it feels a bit more social. Also ideal for multiples and baby & toddler households, as they are stackable when not in use!! Think I'll get the red one this time....

Other ikea children's foody things I like include the barnsling rand bibs and kalas crockery. Don't forget a splash mat......mum's best friend!

Worst buy: a present of an expensive mama's & papa's highchair. Loads of handy crevices for food to get stuck in and go rotten, with an impossible to remover cover, too massive, too high for our table, and a removable tray that was figured out very quickly by our then 6 m old and became not an easy way to remove the mess to the kitchen, but a very efficient way of throwing your entire dinner on the floor/at the wall all at once. Rubbish. And his tummy is too big, at just 18 m, to fit in it anymore.

Best buy:
Babylegs: These are mega-cute leg warmers, for boys as well as girls (you should see how fetching our black and red striped, denis the menace pair look on!!) and are amazingly practical. We use them round the house when Boy is just in a vest, great for protecting crawling knees, or making newborn nappy changes much easier (potty training too I'm told). Also great if you have a sling for keeping exposed legs warm under trousers! Or camping when you just need that extra layer at night.

Best buy:
Sock ons: Similar to shoes, baby socks don't stay on! A great little invention for when you little one isn't wearing shoes. Be warned, don't lose these tiny items in the wash....

Best buy:
Mothercare smart nappy system: If you are even considering using real nappies (and it's a lot easier than you think, once it's in your routine, you hardly notice it!) you must use the mothercare range, it is simply the very best out there. They don't leak, they don't start looking old and grubby after only a few washes like other nappies, they are VERY easy to use and put on, they look cute, they don't leave angry “the velcro has rubbed” marks on your baby, grandmas and nursery staff were eager to use them, they dry quick, they are fairly cheap (being an own brand), there is a mothercare local to everyone so you can stock up with ease and not have to wait ages for internet delivery, and there is even an option to go half & half: with disposable inners available, great for those 1st few newborn weeks or for holidays.

Worst buy:
Motherease one size re-usable nappies. Way too many poppers for a wriggly baby, nowhere near absorbent enough and always leaked poo, and very fiddly covers that never fit properly, at 18 m, ours still look massive. Expensive rubbish basically.

Best buy:
Baby flannels (morrisons): we use these as washable baby wipes, which isn't as bad as it sounds. Many people try to use cotton wool and water for the first few weeks, as did we, but it's such a bloody faf! If you're going to have little bowls of cooled boiled water around the house anyway, you many as well use these flannels as babywipes. They do the job much better than cotton wool, and indeed even the top brands of disposable babywipes, which tend to spread poo around the bottom instead of wiping it off, meaning you use 5 or more wipes. Clever marketing! But I can clean a pooey bum with a maximum of 2 flannels, and they are smaller too. We simply chuck ours in with our re-usable nappies, but if you don't fancy going the whole hog, wipes is a good compromise, (every little helps the environment) as cotton wool is, arguably, rubbish, as are shop bought baby wipes, plus they are full of chemicals and you will chuck away literally millions. For going out, you can often buy plastic baby wipe cases in a travel size, simply dampen a few and pop in before you go (also great for eating out with a weaned baby, again, ten times better than shop bought baby wipes), or we just pop a few in the “messy bag” that comes with most changing bags, I find these too small for all the items we manage to get messy when out (they only really fit a bib in and I'm talking entire outfit changes....) so I tend to carry a plastic carrier bag for this purpose instead. Buy a small lidded bucket to keep them in pre-wash. To wash: put on a rinse and spin with a little lemon juice and nappy-san (available at most supermarkets), and then add the rest of your ordinary washing. Feel free to wash as low as 30, I do, they still come clean.

Worst buy:
This is obviously cotton wool! We have loads that we still didn't use after 18m! It's main use is for cleaning little eyes that have conjunctivitis...will last forever at this rate!

Best Buy:
Metal tipped forks and , to a lesser extent, spoons, especially if you're planning to baby-led wean. Thing is, as soon as they are ready to feed themselves, they want to be just like mummy and daddy, who don't use plastic forks....plus they don't work very well. Forks are great, as it's much easier to stab food that chase it around a plate with a spoon.

Worst buy:
Loads of weaning spoons! Almost never use them, he eats yoghurt with his fingers! Weaning spoons are often the wrong shape for self-feeing too, too flat, food falls off.

Best buy:
Avent hand breast pump: once you're familiar with it, it was the fastest and most comfortable way to express milk. I was fascinated with watching it come out out, I mean, not only could I make actual milk (!!!) but what no-one tells you is you don't just have one hole in each nipple, it's several! And goes off in all sorts of directions! Anyway, I digress...

Worst buy:
Medula Electric breast pump: noisy, painful, and nowhere near as effective as actually getting milk out of the boob as a hand held. Plus, you can't use it in the bath!

Books I wish I had read in my 1st pregnancy:

The attachment parenting book, Dr Sears and Dr Sears

I recently read this in my pregnancy after being told by friends that the style of parenting we use is “attachment parenting”. I just thought we were going on instinct! Well, that's pretty much it, but I loved reading it, and it gave me even more ideas for baby number 2. Plus it's nice to know, when your mother in law is looking at you like you're crazy, that you're not the only one out there doing it like this....

Baby-Led Weaning, Gill Rapely & Tracey Murkett

Luckily, I did get chance to read this before we started weaning, I just wish I'd read it before I bought loads of useless weaning spoons and ice-cube trays for purees we never made! It's all about waiting til your child is truly ready to try grown-up food, and then letting them actually try it, not giving them mush before they can even sit up! It was amazing for us.

Three in a Bed, Deborah Jackson

I recently read this after deciding to co-sleep with our new baby this time. I feel we were naïve last time, and too frightened in the early days to go against the norm, and thus forced our son to sleep in a cot alone. Is it any wonder it took him til he was 16m old to sleep through the night?? He was a terrible sleeper, and we now realise this is because he needed comfort and cuddles from us through the night in those early months. The book helped me see the benefits, and plan for sleeping SAFELY with baby number 2. It also gave me some good stock answers to ward off people who may not agree with co-sleeping. (i.e. most of the western world....sigh). It's fascinating to look at other cultures who co-sleep. I learned from this book that cot-death (SIDs) is unheard of when families co-sleep! As are nightmares and tantrums!! Sounds blissful.

Well, I hope you enjoyed reading about some of my favourite baby things, and I do hope it's helped any expectant mums out there to feel a bit more confident in the minefield of baby products everyone tells them they “must have”. At the end of the day, it's your baby, and you know what works best for you, even if no-one else is doing it, your baby will love you for it. Get what you need, not what the magazines say you can't live without!

Nagging will get you everywhere

Here is my brand new vegetable plot! And above is my little garden helper, doing his best to ensure his pajamas will be unwearable after a 30 degree wash in ecover powder. I had been trying to grow veg this year in just pots, as most of our garden is gravel (I had to beg to get the grass last year), but I soon realised the pumpkins were massive, and with large pots being so expensive, just don't look so good in bright orange B&Q buckets. They did start out on my kitchen windowsill. I'd been asking HID about large window boxes, to no avail really. Then last Saturday, we went to a (fairly new) friend's birthday BBQ, who had just had their garden redone, to include a vegetable patch! I oohed and aahed quite loudly at this, and it may have just made an impression, as the very next day: this appeared in my garden! Feeling rather chuffed. Best news is, my friend, who's husband's birthday it was, said that not only had her hubby's green fingers rubbed off on HID, but HID's love of slings rubbed off on her hubby! You see, as the night wore on, and the little munchkins got more and more sleepy (ours and theirs too), HID wore Boy in a sling on his back, as he often does. We use it as a pram really. Although me and my friend both use slings, it may have been seen as a "girl thing" by others, and many (men in particular) asked HID if he found an 18m old heavy, was it difficult to use etc. HID loves sharing this closeness with his Boy, so sang the praises of the sling to anyone who would listen, and the next day, my friend's hubby hunted out their own back sling and asked for help to use it! Result for my friend (sling), result for me (garden).

Even better, the babies stayed up til 11pm, and were not even grumpy! We even got a lie in til 8am the next day, and normal service resumed the following night. Our friends were not quite so lucky, and have only just got their daughter back into her normal sleep pattern. As sod's law would have it, the sleep will be upset again this weekend, as a small group of them are off camping, with babies in tow! This group will almost definitely include my very own HID and Boy, which will be quite strange as I'm not going due to my health at present, and the group are friends I have met through parent/toddler groups, and HID doesn't know them that well. Also, I am quite jealous! He is going out with all my friends! I must say though, the thought of a totally uninterrupted night, plus a small lie-in has me near giddy with excitement! I do hope HID is well enough to go, he has been off work poorly this week. (it's been an extra tough job keeping Boy out of his way...) I've been begging for alie in of my very own for weeks. I give HID one every Saturday AND Sunday til 8.30, that's up to 3 hours longer than I'll get.

I am not quite as jealous of this weekend's impending camping trip as I was of the mummy bloggers meet up last weekend. I am really quite cross at myself for not going! I know it probably wouldn't have been practical, or even do-able, to travel from way up north to London at 6 months pregnant with raging SDP and on crutches/using a wheelchair, but I still feel I missed out. For some reason, I just had it in my head that other Northern bloggers wouldn't go, and now I feel really sad to have missed out meeting local bloggers like Amy! Although, in the back of my mind, I'm not sure I could have been brave enough, even in fighting fitness, to attend. It's not the meeting people (you don't scare me!), more my blog title coming into play: I'd have felt like a kid playing at being a grown-up. Being 17 when I met HID, I went straight from my parents guiding me through airports and organising travel arrangements, to HID's complicated itineraries and guidebooks: I've never traveled anywhere, except into Manchester, alone. (Yes, I am aware I'm a wife in the 1950's. Yes he pays all the bills too. You'll be pleased to know I don't do any housework though. No one does!) I spent the whole time in Manchester being terrified of getting mugged/lost, and gripping my bag like the wet-behind-the-ears small town girl I am. Even though I've been countless times with HID, even for small gigs at nighttime, where he insists in parking for free down dark alleyways. I have been to London before, but always with people who either know it very well, or who I trust implicitly to protect me. But I'm a big girl now, and perhaps it's about time I did something on my own! I fully intend to attend the next meet when I am back to full health. I can hardly wait to see what unfolds from the idea to have an up-north bloggers meet!

Sorry, bit of a lengthy post, with three separate subjects......call that pregnancy brain!

Breastfeeding pride

It's national breastfeeding awareness week! I've been wondering why I've been reading so many posts about breastfeeding, and I found out today. Yesterday, the midwife at aquanatal told us all about a free pampering session at our local children's centre today, for mums and mums to be. It turned out to be as part of the breastfeeding network group I attended a few times (and became friendly with a few of the volunteers), and put on in honor of national breastfeeding awareness week. Who can really say no to a free indian head massage and all the crumpets and cake one can eat without looking a pig? So I celebrated in style, especially since Boy was with Nana this morning due to another hospital appointment....

I asked at the group for any advice on things to do differently this time round, as I only managed 4 weeks exclusive breastfeeding with Boy (during which he became skeletal, despite feeding on demand, and topping up with expressed milk), and 4 months combined breast and formula. I say "only", because if I had my way, I'd still be feeding him. I loved (almost) every second and fully intended to feed him up to and beyond the 12 month guidelines. Still, today, 14 months after giving up breastfeeding, tears choked my words as I talked to the volunteers. I do wonder if I'll ever get over the guilt I feel for not being able to sustain my baby with my own milk (due to a genuine health condition, unlike me, almost 100% of women can make enough milk if supply is boosted by varying techniques. All of which were exhausted by me). I feel less guilty than I did at the time....

In my logical head, I know that every day makes a difference to your baby, the NHS slogan of choice. And my own doctor insisted the first two weeks were the most vital, and I managed that! But I can never quieten the mother inside me whose sole ambition as to nurture her baby, and she failed. I remember my mum coming to visit me when Boy was a month old with a tin of formula, crying, and begging me to feed my baby. She had been the one who noticed his tummy rumbling constantly....I just thought babies tummies must do that, he was my first!

I know,in my brain, that I made the right choice to feed my baby with formula, but my heart just can't hear the reasons.

I do intend to breastfeed the new baby, and although the specialist said it is very likely that my condition will remain the same,it's not a dead cert. And I know this time to force myself to ignore the formula-guilt, and combine if/when it becomes apparent that baby is hungrier than it needs to be.

The volunteers at the group told me that I did everything I could last time, I couldn't have done a better job. HID pointed out that he has been saying that for upwards of a year, but that's why I married him, he says all the right things. It seemed more comforting to hear it from a pro-breastfeeding stranger.

As I left, a volunteer I knew quite well insisted I take her phone number, and to text her when the baby was born. She is coming to the hospital to help me establish breastfeeding. "The midwives are often too busy to do much more than check your latch. I'll stay with you until you get it right." I almost cried. The woman has no idea how much relief washed over me as she wrote down her number. I did get help last time,but this time I'm feeling fully armed.

By the way, the picture at the top? Checkout mama merit badges.
Even if you managed one feed, stop beating yourself up and feel proud: you breastfed your baby. There is no need to feel guilty that you didn't feed up until school age. All those fellow breastfeeders out there, well done!