Breastfeeding and returning to work.

I've recently trained as a breastfeeding helper with the Breastfeeding Network, and they are looking to produce a leaflet for mums who are returning to work, full of mum's experiences and tips. The trouble is, although we get asked about this a lot, once the women have returned to work, we often don't hear anything more from them, so we don't really know what worked, what didn't work, and how the story worked out. So I'm putting out a plea on the internet for mum's tips and expriences around the subject of returning to work and breastfeeding.

How did you broach the subject with your employer? Were they accomodating?
How did your baby react/cope?
Did you have any issues with other colleagues?
Were nursery/childminders keen to help?
Did you hand express/use a breastpump? (for comfort? for baby?)
How long did you breastfeed while working?
What happens at weekends?
Does mixed feeding work for you?
Why did you want to keep breastfeeding? (health benefits, keep close with baby etc)

Or anything else you can think of! Too long for the comments box? Drop me an email; allgrownup06@hotmail.com

Here is one mum's experience to get you going:

“I was really worried about going back to work fulltime and the prospect of still being able to breastfeed was a serious concern. I had originally thought that I would keep up breastfeeding at night and when I was at home but introduce formula for a feed during the day when I was at work. But things never go to plan! C was found to be allergic to milk but can tolerate my milk. I returned to work when she was five and a half months, and was advised to start weaning her although I really wanted to do the baby led weaning approach as we had discussed at the group. We started weaning her on purees which she really liked.

On returning to work I had to make sure I had the provision to express, which in my busy job as a primary school teacher would be hard. I thought I would have to lock myself in my stock cupboard!! No nice first aid rooms in our school with fridges and so on, my deputy was great and let me use her office she got me a key so I could lock myself in there.

Breastfeeding really does have its advantages... I can stay in bed a little longer I have to get up at 7 to get ready for work so we set our alarm for 6:15 when my husband goes and gets C and brings her into bed for her feed until 7 when the alarm goes off again, if I was bottle feeding then I would have to get up!

I now only express at lunch time it takes me about 10-15 mins to express about 2-3 ozs, I keep all my equipment in a cool bag with an ice pack which I just take home everyday I use a hand pump. The milk is given to C next day around lunchtime.

Initially I was very engorged so wore loose tops where you couldn't tell, I needed to express at playime (about 10:30) then at lunchtime and at the end of the school day (3:30) if I wasn’t going straight home to feed her. This lasted for about 3 weeks. I now find at 8 months my body seems to know when it is weekend I feed on demand which is much more than during the week. During the week I feed her first thing, express at lunchtime, when I get home about 5ish, then any number of times until bedtime which ranges from 8-10 O'Clock so she is getting at least 4 good feeds a day from me and perhaps a 2oz bottle of expressed milk.

School holidays I feed her on demand as at weekends but have found that when I return to work I am engorged for the first day but its really not that bad and I still only need to express at lunchtime. C's has only had one cold in her 9 months!!! which is quite an achievement as I bring home all sorts of bugs from the children at school. I really didn't think I would still be breastfeeding now 9 months down the line.”

Please be aware that we will need your permission to use the tips/info you provide for the leaflet. Thanks for your help!

Christmas.

Here are some of our Christmassy photos! Sorry for the delay, things are only just returning to nomal around here, the house still looks like toys 'r' us.
At the park enjoying the pre-Christmas snow.

Feeding the cold ducks in the snow.

" Mi-mi? Cooooorld!"

Wrapping paper hand made out of used parcel paper by Boy.

Homemade gingerbread tree decorations made by Boy and I. Great gifts for the grandparents.

Looks like we had a great time! Well the day itself didn't run so smoothly. Let me explain why.

I wish I'd been brave this year and stayed at home with my little family. Instead, I went to my mums and had to play by other people's rules. Two days before Christmas, my mum informed me that her Christmas dinner guests (her included? not sure) did not want me to breastfeed in front of them. (As we all know, breastfeeding is a shameful secret and should be hidden away. Want to give your child the best possible start to life? By god, shush, don't tell anyone.) With one guest in particular to be avoided at all costs. And pay? Gosh did I. I sat with a tiny three month old baby in a freezing conservatory in the snow on her very first Christmas, each wearing a coat and wrapped in blankets. Then a huge sheet of ice crashed down on to the roof, making us both jump (I did actually fear the roof would cave in), and as a result, Missis screamed for half an hour. (The crash was that loud. And very frightening even for me, who knew and understood what it was.) So next feed, I attempted to balance myself and my baby on an uncomfortable dining chair, with my feet on tip-toes to lift her, and my shoulders hunched to reach her. Comfy! Each time I was alone, listening to laughter and merriment going on in the next room, missing out on my son playing with his new toys. So finally, after everyone had enjoyed their dinner (mine was a bit hurried as GOD FORBID I fed the baby while people were EATING, how DISGUSTING) I went into the comfy livingroom to feed the baby and play with Boy. Next, the family member who I was told to stay away from or face the concequences, actually came and sought me out to have a go at me (while he faced the wall as he couldn't even bear to look in my direction, but god he milked it). I couldn't get up and leave because I was feeding, and the more he went on, the more I could literally feel my let-down reflex slowing down, I'd be there all day. Great. Eventually he left the room (no, no-one came to rescue me) and I started to cry. No matter, Missis with have another first Christmas next year. Oh no, wait, she won't, will she?

If mum had only given me a bit of notice, I'd have cooked for us and stayed at home. Thank goodness she warned me though, if I hadn't been expecting, well, something, I'd have been a lot more upset.

We were supposed to be attending said family member's house for their annual Boxing Day party the following day. Needless to say, I would rather have peeled off my own toenails than be humiliated like that again. (Plus, I was forbidden from breastfeeding in his house, never mind in the same room as him.) Even my mum's tipsy begging couldn't change my mind. But HID asked if he could go and take Boy, which I thought would be a good idea to prevent people from lying about why I wasn't there (oh, she couldn't come, baby is ill). I asked him what he planned to say when people asked where was. He said; "I'm proud of what you are doing. I'll say 'she's at home feeding the baby'." I love him.

Instead, we spent time with the other side of the family and attended a different gathering. I fed the baby surrounded by family. An eight year old girl sat next to me and stroked

Missis' head as I fed her. And a lady looked at us fondly and said "god, I miss breastfeeding." It was her daughter sat beside me, who she fed for years, not months.

Update;appologies!

I've not posted in a while. I addressed my blog/life balance and decided now that I'm driving again I'd like to get out and do more activities during the day, and slob about watching telly in the evenings!

At the beginning of last week, we had some wonderful news; my friends Faye and Liam won the competition to have their dream wedding totally paid for!!! I was over the moon, but I was pretty confident they would, as the last leg of the competition was won on votes, essentially a popularity contest, and as they are such lovely people, they have lots of lovely friends that bent over backwards promoting the cause! Thank you to all my readers who voted, you helped make it happen.

I had a busy week preparing to sell at our local NCT sale, I really wasn't sure I'd get all the ironing and labels and forms done in time with two babies around. I almost decided not to go to my cousin's virgin v party on Friday night because of it, but when I told my sister and HID, they both offered to take charge of childcare when they finished their working week so that I could finish off, and Missis fell asleep at just the right time in the sling for a few hours, so we pulled it off in the end. HID dropped it all off on the Saturday morning and I had forgotten one of the forms, but he fudged it on the spot and it was ok. We left any unsold items to be donated to charity, so it's sort of like a lucky dip now, we don't know how much we sold until the cheque arrives in the post!

I did get to the party on Friday but I wish I hadn't bothered. I didn't buy anything. I'd taken Missis along, and spent a chunk of the evening feeding her, and I was made to feel pretty uncomfortable doing so. First, repeated suggestions I should go somewhere more suitable, i.e. away from embarrassed (female only!) eyes. I worked out where she could have sent me. Her older daughter's cabin bed (up a ladder with a new baby?!), a hard dining chair next to an open back door the smokers were crowded around, actually outside in her garden somewhere with their huge dog (on a November night), the loo with the seat down, or my car parked outside the spar. I was sat on the sofa. Needless to say , I didn't move. Then cries of "Is she STILL feeding??? Isn't it BORING for you??" (no, I actually like it) and most strange of all, when Missis cried (as all babies sometimes do) actually offering to make up a bottle of formula for her. I felt so undermined. Embarrassed and small. It's so odd that something that used to be so normal and natural is now viewed as something almost shameful. And certainly weird.

On Saturday, I attended the Breastfeeding Network's annual general meeting as a breastfeeding helper-in-training. They were more relaxed about feeding in public :-) Boy was booked into the creche to treat Daddy to another day off, but the previous day he'd come back from babygroup with a gammy eye, and no doubt the creche workers would have taken one look at him and turned us away, so he stayed at home. As it happens, it was the same creche company as the one he mysteriously HATES when I attend training on Fridays, and since it's so unlike him (he loves new people & places) I've stopped taking him and he goes to my mums. Chances are, he would have refused point blank to go with the horribly familiar creche ladies anyway!

"Babes in arms" are always welcome at BFN events, but Missis is so tiny and the only one not in creche, so she was kind of the star of the show! I couldn't move for gooey ladies asking me her age. I only knew a few people so it was a great way to get chatting. I carried her in the sling, and when we made it into the lecture theatre she was sleeping, and stayed that way until the first break! The ladies behind me later remarked she was so good, they didn't even realise I HAD a baby until I started feeding her after the break! She only cried once the whole day, and no one minded at all. I'd even taken a small cushion with me so I could feed more comfortably, it was great, everyone was so supportive (as you would expect!)

Outside agencies came and delivered lectures on various topics such as the new weight charts based on breastfed babies, and how they won't solve every bf baby weight issue but they are more realistic and parent-friendly at least. We met the "star buddies" who had been providing peer support in and out of Blackpool hospital wards up to 8 weeks of age, reducing breastfeeding drop off rates from 75% to just 20% in their ladies (amazing!). The scheme had recently been reviewed, and comments had been taken from mothers and midwives, collated with photographs of nursing mums and set to music (M-people, "Proud", you know, "what have you done today to make you feel proud?") in a slide show. Well, it was unbelievably emotive, all the issues are still so raw for me with Missis being so tiny, it all happened so recently. The power of the words of thanks and praise alongside music and pictures brought many to tears. And I did feel proud. Proud to have joined such an ethical and independent organisation where I'll soon have the opportunity to help women just like me to give their baby the best start in life. Proud to be part of the Nestle Boycott, about which I'll post another time. Proud of myself for wanting to breastfeed second time around after a horrible first experience, and (so far) making a success of it.

But what touched me most was the section about breastmilk banks. Human milk is literally life saving to some premature infants who cannot digest formula and need all the antibodies they can get to survive, which are only present in breastmilk. In fact, I learned that formula is way down the line of choices of food for a prem baby, medically speaking, it goes something like this: the mother's own breastmilk, suckled from the breast, the mothers own breastmilk, fed in a different way, but freshly expressed, the mother's own breastmilk, frozen then given, donor milk, formula.

The United Kingdom Association for Milk Banking is a registered charity that supports human milk banking in the UK.

Their motto is Every Drop Counts and they believe that the provision of safe and screened donor breastmilk makes an important contribution to the care of the premature and sick infants who receive it.

They give practical support to the milk bank staff who co-ordinate the provision of donor breastmilk for premature babies and share expertise and good practice with milk banks and with breastmilk donors.

UKAMB is reliant on membership for most of its income and recently Trustees have been looking at ways to increase its sources of financial support. A special £10 per year membership fee (reduced from £25 per year) for Professional members (ie midwives, neonatal nurses, lactation consultants, neonatologists etc) was agreed at the AGM in November. However despite a concerted effort to gain new members at the BFI conference in Glasgow, only 2 new people joined.

In an attempt to attract financial support from the wider public, UKAMB has signed up to the Justgiving scheme. This enables individual supporters to raise money on behalf of the charity by attracting sponsorship for a particular event or simply by sending a donation. If the donor is a UK tax payer, the fees for the scheme are deducted from the tax that charities can claim back ie that has already been paid by the donor to the Inland Revenue.

UKAMB urges all supporters to encourage family and friends to help them raise the funds that are needed. Their support for milk banks is dependent upon more income being generated. Please go to www.justgiving.com/ukamb to help UKAMB continue to ensure that Every Drop Counts.

UKAMB were being given some financial support by the company Medela, that makes breast pumps and other paraphernalia. However, Medela has recently broken the World Health Organisation (WHO) code for the prohibition of promoting bottles and teats (which would undermine breastfeeding), and so the tiny UKAMB has bravely and ethically said goodbye to a big financial ally. This bravery should be applauded and valued. I have asked HID to buy me a membership for Christmas. I hope you too will support this wonderful charity that helps women save babies lives. On the website,not only can you become a member, but you can make a one off donation, fundraise, or buy gifts or merchandise. Christmas is coming!

Just let me breastfeed in peace!

Having two "spirited" children under two is tough going, no matter which way you look at it. Evenings-through-mornings seem to be the hardest. Typically: toddler wrestled into bed around 7pm. Hubby to make tea, which I eat one-handed, whilst newborn cluster-feeds til 9-10ish. Get up to feed 4ish times, with one feed, around 2am, being very fussy (i.e. requiring me to fully wake up) and lasting over an hour. Toddler wakes for milk/cuddle around 5am. Hubby leaves for work 6.30am. One of the babies wakes up around 7, and I hope the other doesn't wake for another ten minutes! If toddler is first to wake, he is left to chatter in his cot while I race to wash and dress; teeth and hair can be done with newborn in the sling later on if needs be. If Missis is first up, it's a bit more challenging, but she can sometimes be convinced to look at her mobile for up to five minutes. Now, both babies need nappies changing before they leak and feeding before they cry (more loudly than they inevitably already are). It's basically a judgment call on which child can be made to wait. I don't like it, but I try to be fair. A wonderful peace-keeper in these newborn days is the TV. Imagine my horror when I come downstairs to find it broken, and a small boy who is convinced it's perfectly fine and Mummy is just mean. Top it off with colds for all three of us, which means toddler woke 4+ times in the night, and all newborn's feeds were fussy. Or, doing a much harder job, on less sleep, when you're not well yourself.

Nevertheless, I managed to get us all fed and dressed for 9.30am to wait for our lift to breastfeeding support group. My mum arrives to drive us there. We chat in the car. She had visited her friend the previous day who has a ("good") baby the same age as Missis. Her friend is recovering well from a natural birth. I had a c-section and am still experiencing SPD pain. Her friend is bottlefeeding, which I feel has nothing to do with anything, and certainly isn't my concern. My mum is very pro-formula, she hated breastfeeding and didn't do it for long. Here we go.

Her; she gave him a bottle and he just slept for three hours!

Me; hmmm. But Boy (formula fed) never did at that age did he? And Missis will do that if she's in the sling.

She asks about our night. I begin to tell her, then;

Her; it was your choice to breastfeed, so don't keep moaning about it!

Me; everyone has unsettled nights with new babies, even if they are bottle fed!

Her; your cousin's (three-month-old formula fed & baby-rice fed) baby slept through very early on!

Me; Boy still doesn't sleep through. It has nothing to do with feeding.

Her; but you'd have so much more time if you gave her a bottle!

Me; Boy had tummy ache & sickness after every feed, and was constipated til we gave cow's milk at 12m! He only went two hours between feeds til he was five months old!

She has conveniently forgotten how much formula disagreed with Boy, we changed brand four times. Truth is, none of them are breastmilk. She also doesn't realise how much washing and sterilizing bottlefeeding a baby that feeds every two hours yeilds. I did so much screwing on of tops, I ended up with painful repetitive strain injury and wore a splint for a year. She's forgotten this too.

Her; well I'm not having you complaining about how tired you are again, it was your choice to breastfeed, I don't want to hear about anything to do with breastfeeding from now on!

At this point, as is often the case with arguments with our parents, I reverted into teenage-mode and decided if I couldn't talk about breastfeeding (which relates to most things with a newborn) I wouldn't talk to her at all.

Apparently, bottlefeeding would fix the TV, cure the common cold, make high-need children able to function without human contact, cure cesarean scars and SPD so I could drive, babysit while I have a shower and quite possibly do all the washing and hoover too. I know breastfed newborns spend A LOT of time at the breast, but soon they get bigger and don't fall asleep while feeding as much. Yes, it's hard learning how, and tiring, and often painful at first, but that doesn't last long, and at this point, I'm not experiencing any real difficulties at all. Formula feeding would make my life easier, at least that's her thinking. Even if that were true (which it isn't, or at least wasn't for us, I've formula fed a child from 4 weeks) that's not the reason behind most of my parenting decisions. I didn't decide to have children for an easy life. My idea is to do all I can to give them the best of everything, not opt out for an easy life. A friend pointed out that it's like me describing to her a lovely, healthy homemade recipe to give Boy and her saying; "oh, just open a jar and give him that." The irony is, that's exactly what she does. She thinks raviolli from a tin is a perfectly healthy and acceptable meal to give a toddler (not a one off, over and over again.)

Her argument; you had raviolli and you're fine

Yes, if you count grossly overweight, addicted to junk food and with no idea how to cook from scratch til I had children fine, then yes, I'm fine.

Her; Boy was formula fed and he's fine.

Yes, if you think having eczema, being hospitalized with asthma and having delayed speech and countless ear infections (all symptoms of not breastfeeding) is fine.

Her; you have eczema and asthma, it's hereditary.

Yes it is. But I was formula fed too, so we'll never know.

For more on the "formula is not fine" point of view, click here. Shocking, but interesting.

So it was a quiet journey home from breastfeeding support group. Well, I'm banned from the topic. And mum was shocked into silence by the image of a woman feeding a three year old. No matter how many times I tell her that the World Health Organization recommends we breastfeed a child for at least two years.

I'm not anti-formula. Hell, it saved my Boy from hospitalization when he was tiny. And however pro-breastfeeding I am now,I can't turn back time for him. But, difficult as breastfeeding was last time, this time it's going really well. In fact, I'm loving it. So why is she so hell-bent on ramming formula down my throat?

P.S. in the photo above I'm wearing my new Mama Feels Good nursing t-shirt. It's fab!

P.P.S. Please click here and vote for my friends Faye & Liam to win their dream wedding. Please!

This Mamma feels good.

I thought I had carefully chosen an outfit to wear to the North West British Mummy Blogger's meet up on Sunday, but on Saturday afternoon HID pointed out that a high-neckline dress-style top with leggings, while fine for breastfeeding at home, does not cut in in a public place. I'd rather not be showing off my post-2nd-baby figure by lifting up my top to feed and exposing my legging-clad thighs and bottom, not to mention the tummy! So after a quick check on the Mothercare website that they had nursing tops, we piled the family into the car for a trip to our local store. I think it's one of the few (only, in our area) shops on the highstreet that sell nursing wear.

I was assisted by a very helpful and complementary member of staff who insisted I couldn't possibly be a size 16, obviously I was closer to a 12 (she was right, bless her soul, woo-hoo!), who bundled most of the vast range of nursing wear into my arms and sent me off to the changing room, where disappointment ensued, as is always the way with desperate, last minute shopping.

I tried on the first top, really funky design, bright colours,not at all boring or frumpy as I'd feared. Mistake number one: the carefully crafted hole at the side of the double layer through which I'm supposed to feed was not big enough to fit my boob through. I'm currently only a DD, mothercare make bras up to E cup. The top would be ideal for women with breasts growing out of the side of their ribcage, under their arms. Or, with exceptionally small, not full of milk breasts. This was the same for all the feeding tops I tried (around 10 different tops) and also a sleep nursing bra, size 16.

Mistake number two: the top layer of the feeding top was stitched to the bottom "cover-up" layer in such a ridiculous fashion, that each time I attempted to lift it as though to feed, the whole thing came up and exposed the bottom corner of my post-baby tummy, you know, the bit with all the wobbly bits and stretchmarks, exactly the stuff a nursing top is supposed to leave to the imagination? Yes, that bit. Great. This was, again, the same for all the styles and sizes of tops I tried on.

In conclusion, mothercare have a completely obsolete range of nursing wear, not one item was actually suitable to feed in. I will instead direct you to mamma feels good , where I bought my beloved, and actually functional, nursing t-shirt. Not only are they unusual, stylish and funky, but the double layer works fantastically, and the holes are big enough for big boobs :-)
As soon as mine comes out of the wash, I put it straight back on, and despair every time it gets covered in banana/babysick/wee/poo (delete as appropriate). I can't wait for the new designs to come out, I need at least two more for my wardrobe!! What's more, even though it's an independent company, Mamma Feels Good t-shirts are the same price as mothercare ones. And it's always nice to wear something no-one else has!

P.S. please see this post, and do your good deed for today by voting for Faye & Liam. Thanks so much!

Weight issues

I really wanted to say a big and heartfelt thank you to all my readers that offered support and advice when I was going through those difficult breastfeeding/weight issues. I thought I'd let you all know in this post how the story turned out. As we left off, the dreaded midwife was to to descend again the following day.

I read all your advice. I put out a plea for advice in the BMB forum, and a friend did the same on the babyled weaning forum. I was already in contact with local breastfeeding helpers, as suggested, I arranged my third home visit with them in two days time. A long time, as those who ever struggled with breastfeeding will understand. I could feed dozens and dozens of times between now and then. I called the NCT b/f helpline, another suggestion, the helpful and sympathetic volunteer reiterated much of what I'd already heard, but it gave me confidence nonetheless. She did let me know that by law, I was only obliged to have my child weighed three times in her 1st year. Quota filled then. So I was well within my rights to refuse to have her weighed. So I planned to call and put off the midwife for a day.

But the more I thought about it, the more stressed I became about not only baby's weight, I'd been here before, but the confrontation too. I tearfully convinced HID to call the unit on my behalf, first thing in the morning. A little pressure off. But as we all know, all problems and ailments seem/get worse during the night when you feel all alone, and that's just what happened. Missis miraculously "forgot" how to latch on. Plus, breastfeeding had suddenly become painful again. This was my last chance to feed her up, and she wouldn't feed! She cried and fussed. I stressed and cried. Great for the old let-down reflex eh? So Missis got more upset, as when she did manage to latch and suck, milk was not forthcoming. Becoming hysterical, I fed her all the expressed milk I had. (I'd been expressing due to a cracked nipple for those of you who asked, it was too painful to feed but I wanted to keep up supply). Missis still was not satiated. We had been torturing each other for hours, sobbing, in pain. It was not good. My relationship with my precious daughter would suffer if I carried on in this ridiculous fashion. I knew what I had to do. It didn't make the decision any easier. I couldn't say the word. The "F" word. HID was sent downstairs to make up what I could only describe as "a bottle of....milk". He heard me over the baby monitor sobbing "I'm so sorry baby, I'm so sorry", over and over as I knelt on the bed rocking my tiny daughter, who I'd failed so early on in her little life.

There did not seem much point in canceling the midwife visit, as she had gotten her way. But before she arrived, I did some soul-searching. My son had survived on formula after the first few months. But as a result of torturing myself (and him), I didn't feel I loved him, or even that he was mine, for about four months. He was nice enough, just something I had to feed. I couldn't do that again. Breast is best. But not at any cost, not at the cost of the relationship between me and Missis. So I made a quiet decision. I would attempt to get her to latch on for ten minutes. If it wasn't happening, I'd feed her a bottle of formula. But I'd always try. Since I made that decision, over a week ago, I can count on one hand the amount of bottles she has had. The decision made me relax about feeding, there was an alternative and I didn't need to feel guilty, I was doing the best I could, the pressure was off, and breastfeeding suddenly seemed a doddle.

When the midwife arrived, we found that Missis had only put on a marginal amount of weight. Not surprising really, considering how often she was being weighed. The midwife now insisted we take our perfectly healthy baby to the doctors. At this point, I was quite fed up of biting my tongue, being polite and avoiding confrontation. I demanded she check over the baby thoroughly for any signs of dehydration or otherwise ill health. None was found. I then told her how very upset and uncomfortable I'd felt bing instructed to give formula. She asked us if we'd lied about giving the formula. HID ushered her out of our home, we agreed to see the GP to be rid of her.

The GP was sadly in the midwife's camp. She also couldn't find a damn thing wrong with the child, and said we really should give formula. I was shocked, and stood up for myself this time, stating it would compromise the integrity of my milk supply to give formula milk. She was visibly surprised that a young mum like me had any real knowledge of breastfeeding. She backed down slightly, saying it was her medical opinion, and we should feel free to ignore it (which we did) for a whole week, at which point, the big guns were out. This was Thursday. The midwife was due again on Sunday. She was sure to insist on another weigh-in before Thursday. I hoped the breastfeeding volunteer, due on Friday, had some ideas for weight gain in b/f babies.

When the volunteer arrived, she listened. To our concerns after a previous slow-to-gain baby, what a bully the midwife was, how feeing was going, she let us get it all out, which was wonderful. Incidentally, it turns out the midwife we were seeing, the volunteer told us, was one of the most pro-b/f in the area, she was who I'd have been referred to, should the "big guns" be needed next Thursday. Great. I'd hate to meet a pro-formula midwife then....

The volunteer tweaked my positioning and attachment. The better these are, the more efficiently baby can drink. We discussed feeding even more often (sometimes, she would go 3hrs during the day), breast compression and lastly, requesting a milk supply boosting drug from the doctor. She explained the midwife and GP had suggested formula because it's a viable, easy, available-in-tescos alternative in our culture. Parents feelings and wishes are often not taken into account, but there are lots of things to try before we give formula again, if that's what we wanted. Which we did.

That night I found what I thought was an infected stitch, and the midwives I called advised me to speak to the doctor, who prescribed antibiotics over the phone. (it was 5pm on a Friday, I don't blame him.). On the Saturday, a lovely, supportive, understanding friend came round to chat about the whole fiasco. I was just starting to feel good about it all again, when there came a knock at the door. The midwife. To check on my stitch. My friend quickly excused herself to the garden, lest she say something regrettable to the midwife. But when HID showed her inside, it was a different midwife, a lovely midwife, a ray of hope midwife. It turned out the stitch wasn't infected, and she asked after baby's health. I begged her not to weigh, and my voice wobbled as the whole sorry story came out. She looked at baby and was happy. She convinced me to relax. Do my best. If it didn't work, there were alternatives. She didn't use the "F" word. I practically kissed her feet in relief and gratitude.

On Sunday, the original midwife arrived to weigh again. I tolerated her presence in my home, but not much else. She weighed, and was finally satisfied. I didn't take much notice of the actual figure, just that she was on the up. She insisted she had to weigh once more before discharge, on the deadline Thursday, the same day the health visitor was due. I happily forgot all about weight, and started to really enjoy feeding my baby.

Thursday: the HV arrived and I confidently explained everything, finishing with, "so it was just me, stressing myself out really." She replied,"No, actually, it was that awful midwife." I instantly warmed to her :-) She offered to source the new b/f baby weight charts for Missis as a matter of urgency. She didn't weigh baby, and wouldn't be doing so for another two weeks.

Later, the midwife arrived, but it was water off a duck's back. I let her think that the HV was weighing in seven days, and satisfied with today's weigh-in, she discharged us. Thank God.

A held baby is a happy baby

Last week was national babywearing week.(And the title, and last line, of this post are nicked from t-shirt slogans for hard-core babywearers!) I'm a bit late, I know, but do forgive me, my little Missis takes up a lot of time. However, because I'm lucky enough to have been introduced to the joys of babywearing when my first baby was four months old, she doesn't take up quite as much time as she could.

You see, like Boy did, Missis wakes up as soon as you lay her sleeping body down. With Boy, we tried everything, from hot water bottles in the cot to warm his mattress up before we laid him in, to reading "The Hobbit" in its entirety into the wee hours. But now we have the know how with Missis, so we just let her sleep in the sling (or in our bed with us) where she is next to the comforting sounds, smells and warmth that were familiar to her in the womb.

Society tries to make us think otherwise, but babies are not supposed to be left alone. Not that long ago, if mothers had left their babies so they could cook over the fire or wash clothes in the river, her baby would have been gobbled up by wolves/a bear/a tiger....I could go on. Baby's common subconscious remembers this useful evolutionary tool, and screams like a banshee every time you put her down. But that's what she's SUPPOSED to do. If any other animal found itself waking up in a silent, dark place alone, don't you think it would attempt to find it's mother by any means necessary, including crying out?

We are essentially primates. Ever wondered why babies are born with that super-death grip that surprises you so much when they grab your finger? It's so they can cling on to your fur to be carried along with you. Yes, just the those orangutans you saw in the zoo. Since we don't have much fur anymore, the intelligent human being finds other ways to keep baby close. Either they develop major skills in one-handed chore-doing, develop a huge left-bicep, and pain all down the left side of their back, or they simply pop baby in a sling, and get on with life.

So next time some smug uber mummy goes on about her "good" baby that she "hardly knows she has", remember that your baby is the truly clever one, and hers wouldn't have gotten very far a few years ago.

Since Missis was born, she has been "slung" a lot. Now Boy is bigger, he really only rides in the sling outside the house, as a pram-substitute. But with Missis, I'm either feeding her, sleeping next to her, or carrying her in a sling. (Or someone else is). As I recover from the birth, I'm able to do a few tasks round the house, or sit down to a meal with the family, hands free. I don't need to carry those god-awful car seats around, or rush through the shopping with an unsettled baby.

I carried her in the hospital (the midwives and new mums crowded round). I carry her all over the house and garden (Boy stops me to peep inside the sling and kiss the sleeping baby). I carry her round tescos (old ladies ask if I've made the sling myself) (I haven't). I carry her during my course, training to be a breastfeeding helper (babes in arms most welcome in the training room). I carry her to the corner shop. My favourite so far, what we dreamed of when I was pregnant, was me carrying Missis, and HID carrying Boy, on a family trip out. We took them to see the Blackpool Illuminations! Missis slept on me the whole time, snuggled up against the sea breeze in her sling. Boy stayed up til 11pm! We rode a tram and ate ice cream. What a treat. It would not have been so easy and enjoyable had we used prams (or had to spend a fortune on a newborn/toddler double pram!). The children were warm, we were close enough to talk and listen to one another, and no one was unsettled, it was easy to get on the tram, Boy was high enough to see everything and talk to everyone. HID and I walked along holding hands. Blissful.

I even made an attempt yesterday at breastfeeding in the sling. It's going to take a bit more practice to get it right, but HID is back at work next week, and, well, breastfeeding on demand with a toddler around just isn't going to work any other way. I've got a week to perfect it.

Many of my pro-bottle feeding family and friends dismiss breastfeeding as "very tying for you". Hopefully this will not be the case once I get going with sling feeding. And right now, I really don't mind being tied up feeding. It's forcing me to rest properly, and I've an iron-clad excuse for not doing housework! Others have said how selfish breastfeeding can be, taking away HID's opportunity to bond. But while we have the sling, I think Daddy is bonding just fine by snuggling his little princess to his chest in his sling. He's even been enthused enough to learn a new, more complex tie. After all, real men wear babies.

Learner Breastfeeder

I thought I'd share with you some of the public places that I've so far bared my boobs, since, as a learner, I'm not shy as such but worried about fluffing it up in public, and having a screaming newborn on-off-on-off the boob. Neither fun nor sociable.

1.) An emergency feed in a newsagent's car park on the way to a special bra shop for nursing mums. At half past three. That is, school chuck out time. Yes, the shop was filled with pre-pubescent boys. I furtively glanced up from under my eyelashes, daring one of them to shout something about tits. Not one of them gave me a second look.

2.) Mothercare breastfeeding facilities. Which was the ladies loos with a sofa/bench in it. Which meant HID had to stay outside. The changing facilities were in the ladies too. Useful. It wasn't comfortable, but better than the car, and the music was good!

3.) My mum's. My step-dad quickly excused himself to his office.

4.) A country pub at lunchtime. My mum had the Boy, and we went out. We chose a booth in the corner, next to some retired ladies lunching, who were most pleased to be in Missis' company. She struggled to latch on and fussed and cried. Our food came. I decided to continue....

5.) In the car in the car park outside the pub, opposite a carfull of collage-age youths. (male). She fed well. My food went cold.

6.) Starbucks, in a comfy chair. Had to hobble upstairs, as students had nicked all the comfy chairs downstairs. Good music, and getting better at latching on in public and not showing too much nipple.

7.) At my house, but with friends, a couple and their 23m old. Who now thinks I provide milk for the whole world. And openly observed how I put my baby to my breast in that wonderfully curious and innocent way only children can.

Tomorrow, I will be feeding at a training course for b/f helper volunteers that I'm taking. I'm sure they will be a supportive audience.

The Best and Worst of baby products: a post for expectant and new mums!

Warning: Shockingly long post, sorry. There is a list of recommended reading at the end if you like books but can't bear to read all this blurb! Skip to that if you like. We bought a lot of stuff we didn't bother with for our first baby. Similarly, there were lots of items we came to a bit “late” and wished we had known about/ bought them earlier! Here is a list of my personal best and worst baby buys, for each good thing, there is usually a similar or opposite crap thing to be avoided! I've told you why below! But don't let me pursued you, every baby, and parent, is different. Have a read, see what you think, but my best advice is not to buy loads of baby gear before baby arrives. As long as you are reasonably healthy after the birth (unlike me!) you will be able to leave the house and shop gently for things you discover you need, as and when you realise you need them. This will save endless trips to the charity shop later to off-load all your junk.


Best buy:
A sling: last time we didn't discover slings til Boy was 4 m old, but this time, I'll be packing a sling in my hospital bag! Newborns need lots of reassurance in this strange new world, my Boy needed to be held almost constantly. Slings give you the hands-free opportunity to keep your baby close to the familiar beat of your heart and sounds of your digestive system, and warmth and smell of you, all the things he craves. And you can make a sandwich at the same time! I struggled to bond last time, and to breastfeed, and slings are great for both these, and PND, you can go skin to skin under the sling, which helps with all three. Have a look at :
http://www.lifftslings.com/site/content_home.php, which make the stylish sling pictured above, and give info on the scientific benefits better than I can! Or for a bigger range and help choosing, try: http://www.slingmeet.co.uk/ we were very lucky to have a local slings group, with highly informed members just waiting to help (and become my friends :-)) and a massive library of slings (& related products) to borrow for free for a week to try before you buy.

Worst buy: PRAM! Every bugger will tell you that you need one, this is not necessarily the case. Ours (and at least two friends I know agree re: their own pram) was a complete waste of money, and is only used by Nana, thus lives at her house. If you have to relent to the pressure, put off buying one as long as possible, and then get a £20 buggy when baby can sit up, and Nana can use that, instead of spending £500 on an all-singing & dancing high tech model that will rot under your stairs, as ours did. Slings are the way to go, even when they get heavier, if you've always carried, your body adjusts naturally and you don't notice the weight gain, then before you know it, they are asking to walk anyway!

Best buy:
Ice pops: this is a weird one, and a bit horrible to think about. I had 3rd degree (i.e. very extensive) tearing during the birth, and spent 4 hrs being repaired in surgery. I was SORE. HID suggested popping an ice pop wrapped in a flannel in my knickers: the relief was immense. I also bought a cheap kids rubber ring to sit on for a while (6 months!!) too.

Best Buy:
Lansinoh cream: for breastfeeding. Do be warned though, it stained all my bras and pj tops, so remember to put a breast pad in too. It can be quite stiff to apply, and that's the last thing you want on your ultra-sensitive nipples, so warm it between your fingers before applying, or keep on to of a radiator. It's expensive stuff, but the only thing that got me through the painful early days of breastfeeding.

Worst buy:
Disposable breast pads. I did not ever “squirt” or “leak”, see above for the only thing I used breast pads for!! I have some washable ones, so will not be buying disposable this time.

Best buy:
Moonlight lamp: a plug in night light that gives a green glow: not bright enough to wake you or baby properly in the middle of the night, but more than enough light to feed by. Eco-friendly too.

Best buy:
Dishwasher baskets:if you bottle feed, or use dummies, or wish to sterilise any small toys/weaning equipment, these are fab! I didn't find out til later, but to put bottles in the dishwasher is to wash and sterilise them at the same time, due to the hot water! No more scrubbing then fiddling with the steriliser for me then! (And with ours having a setting that is more eco-friendly than filling a sink with hot water, it really was the way to go.) Dishwasher baskets are great for all those tiny items that would otherwise not really have a place in the dishwasher, and easily get lost. We had three! Ours were from Woolworths :-( but jojomamanbebe sells them too.

Best buy:
Sleepsuit bags/baby nightgowns: poppers on baby grows will become the bane of your life. Forget the whole thing and ask well-meaning relatives to buy you these instead of babygrows. They are open, but elasticated at the bottom, for midnight nappy changes, simply pull up the whole item. Akin to wearing a summer dress as apposed to going to the loo and struggling with the fly on your skinny jeans.....try ebay or jojomamanbebe.co.uk, known on mothercare site as baby bundlers.

Best Buy:
Baby sleeping bags: as soon as Boy was big enough, these replaced blankets for us. No more confusion as to how many times it's ok to fold a blanket, how thick should it be etc, as sleeping bags have clear instructions for the season. Plus, no kicking of covers & getting cold, thus waking up! Our Boy is an “active” sleeper, we often find him at the opposite end of the cot, wrong way round, or simply splayed horizontally, but his sleeping bags keep him well covered and happy. Bedtime is not bedtime without one. You don't even have to spend a fortune! Get to TKMaxx.

Worst buy:
Millions of blankets, currently in a bag at the bottom of the stairs waiting to go to the charity shop. You need one, maximum, if you use sleeping bags.

Best buy:
Shoo-Shoos (May find cheaper on ebay, but as an idea of what they are.)
Baby shoes do not stay on. Ever! You will lose one of a very cute pair, and be gutted. Until you see the light and choose shoo-shoos. Then you will never allow baby to wear another!! These soft shoes are also great for letting baby's feet develop naturally, and stepping in these is akin to walking barefoot, and professionals recommend 1st steps should be done barefoot.

Worst buy:
Any other type of shoe in the days before baby can walk!

Best buy:
Ikea Antilop high chair: this is literally an essential for every baby household come the time to try grown-up food, especially if you plan to BLW. (which can cause extra mess, and this product is literally the easiest thing to clean on the market!!!) You must buy it, as it is only £9.78. You can buy the tray separately too but we never bothered as it fit straight under our dining table, so it feels a bit more social. Also ideal for multiples and baby & toddler households, as they are stackable when not in use!! Think I'll get the red one this time....

Other ikea children's foody things I like include the barnsling rand bibs and kalas crockery. Don't forget a splash mat......mum's best friend!

Worst buy: a present of an expensive mama's & papa's highchair. Loads of handy crevices for food to get stuck in and go rotten, with an impossible to remover cover, too massive, too high for our table, and a removable tray that was figured out very quickly by our then 6 m old and became not an easy way to remove the mess to the kitchen, but a very efficient way of throwing your entire dinner on the floor/at the wall all at once. Rubbish. And his tummy is too big, at just 18 m, to fit in it anymore.

Best buy:
Babylegs: These are mega-cute leg warmers, for boys as well as girls (you should see how fetching our black and red striped, denis the menace pair look on!!) and are amazingly practical. We use them round the house when Boy is just in a vest, great for protecting crawling knees, or making newborn nappy changes much easier (potty training too I'm told). Also great if you have a sling for keeping exposed legs warm under trousers! Or camping when you just need that extra layer at night.

Best buy:
Sock ons: Similar to shoes, baby socks don't stay on! A great little invention for when you little one isn't wearing shoes. Be warned, don't lose these tiny items in the wash....

Best buy:
Mothercare smart nappy system: If you are even considering using real nappies (and it's a lot easier than you think, once it's in your routine, you hardly notice it!) you must use the mothercare range, it is simply the very best out there. They don't leak, they don't start looking old and grubby after only a few washes like other nappies, they are VERY easy to use and put on, they look cute, they don't leave angry “the velcro has rubbed” marks on your baby, grandmas and nursery staff were eager to use them, they dry quick, they are fairly cheap (being an own brand), there is a mothercare local to everyone so you can stock up with ease and not have to wait ages for internet delivery, and there is even an option to go half & half: with disposable inners available, great for those 1st few newborn weeks or for holidays.

Worst buy:
Motherease one size re-usable nappies. Way too many poppers for a wriggly baby, nowhere near absorbent enough and always leaked poo, and very fiddly covers that never fit properly, at 18 m, ours still look massive. Expensive rubbish basically.

Best buy:
Baby flannels (morrisons): we use these as washable baby wipes, which isn't as bad as it sounds. Many people try to use cotton wool and water for the first few weeks, as did we, but it's such a bloody faf! If you're going to have little bowls of cooled boiled water around the house anyway, you many as well use these flannels as babywipes. They do the job much better than cotton wool, and indeed even the top brands of disposable babywipes, which tend to spread poo around the bottom instead of wiping it off, meaning you use 5 or more wipes. Clever marketing! But I can clean a pooey bum with a maximum of 2 flannels, and they are smaller too. We simply chuck ours in with our re-usable nappies, but if you don't fancy going the whole hog, wipes is a good compromise, (every little helps the environment) as cotton wool is, arguably, rubbish, as are shop bought baby wipes, plus they are full of chemicals and you will chuck away literally millions. For going out, you can often buy plastic baby wipe cases in a travel size, simply dampen a few and pop in before you go (also great for eating out with a weaned baby, again, ten times better than shop bought baby wipes), or we just pop a few in the “messy bag” that comes with most changing bags, I find these too small for all the items we manage to get messy when out (they only really fit a bib in and I'm talking entire outfit changes....) so I tend to carry a plastic carrier bag for this purpose instead. Buy a small lidded bucket to keep them in pre-wash. To wash: put on a rinse and spin with a little lemon juice and nappy-san (available at most supermarkets), and then add the rest of your ordinary washing. Feel free to wash as low as 30, I do, they still come clean.

Worst buy:
This is obviously cotton wool! We have loads that we still didn't use after 18m! It's main use is for cleaning little eyes that have conjunctivitis...will last forever at this rate!

Best Buy:
Metal tipped forks and , to a lesser extent, spoons, especially if you're planning to baby-led wean. Thing is, as soon as they are ready to feed themselves, they want to be just like mummy and daddy, who don't use plastic forks....plus they don't work very well. Forks are great, as it's much easier to stab food that chase it around a plate with a spoon.

Worst buy:
Loads of weaning spoons! Almost never use them, he eats yoghurt with his fingers! Weaning spoons are often the wrong shape for self-feeing too, too flat, food falls off.

Best buy:
Avent hand breast pump: once you're familiar with it, it was the fastest and most comfortable way to express milk. I was fascinated with watching it come out out, I mean, not only could I make actual milk (!!!) but what no-one tells you is you don't just have one hole in each nipple, it's several! And goes off in all sorts of directions! Anyway, I digress...

Worst buy:
Medula Electric breast pump: noisy, painful, and nowhere near as effective as actually getting milk out of the boob as a hand held. Plus, you can't use it in the bath!

Books I wish I had read in my 1st pregnancy:

The attachment parenting book, Dr Sears and Dr Sears

I recently read this in my pregnancy after being told by friends that the style of parenting we use is “attachment parenting”. I just thought we were going on instinct! Well, that's pretty much it, but I loved reading it, and it gave me even more ideas for baby number 2. Plus it's nice to know, when your mother in law is looking at you like you're crazy, that you're not the only one out there doing it like this....

Baby-Led Weaning, Gill Rapely & Tracey Murkett

Luckily, I did get chance to read this before we started weaning, I just wish I'd read it before I bought loads of useless weaning spoons and ice-cube trays for purees we never made! It's all about waiting til your child is truly ready to try grown-up food, and then letting them actually try it, not giving them mush before they can even sit up! It was amazing for us.

Three in a Bed, Deborah Jackson

I recently read this after deciding to co-sleep with our new baby this time. I feel we were naïve last time, and too frightened in the early days to go against the norm, and thus forced our son to sleep in a cot alone. Is it any wonder it took him til he was 16m old to sleep through the night?? He was a terrible sleeper, and we now realise this is because he needed comfort and cuddles from us through the night in those early months. The book helped me see the benefits, and plan for sleeping SAFELY with baby number 2. It also gave me some good stock answers to ward off people who may not agree with co-sleeping. (i.e. most of the western world....sigh). It's fascinating to look at other cultures who co-sleep. I learned from this book that cot-death (SIDs) is unheard of when families co-sleep! As are nightmares and tantrums!! Sounds blissful.

Well, I hope you enjoyed reading about some of my favourite baby things, and I do hope it's helped any expectant mums out there to feel a bit more confident in the minefield of baby products everyone tells them they “must have”. At the end of the day, it's your baby, and you know what works best for you, even if no-one else is doing it, your baby will love you for it. Get what you need, not what the magazines say you can't live without!

Breastfeeding pride

It's national breastfeeding awareness week! I've been wondering why I've been reading so many posts about breastfeeding, and I found out today. Yesterday, the midwife at aquanatal told us all about a free pampering session at our local children's centre today, for mums and mums to be. It turned out to be as part of the breastfeeding network group I attended a few times (and became friendly with a few of the volunteers), and put on in honor of national breastfeeding awareness week. Who can really say no to a free indian head massage and all the crumpets and cake one can eat without looking a pig? So I celebrated in style, especially since Boy was with Nana this morning due to another hospital appointment....

I asked at the group for any advice on things to do differently this time round, as I only managed 4 weeks exclusive breastfeeding with Boy (during which he became skeletal, despite feeding on demand, and topping up with expressed milk), and 4 months combined breast and formula. I say "only", because if I had my way, I'd still be feeding him. I loved (almost) every second and fully intended to feed him up to and beyond the 12 month guidelines. Still, today, 14 months after giving up breastfeeding, tears choked my words as I talked to the volunteers. I do wonder if I'll ever get over the guilt I feel for not being able to sustain my baby with my own milk (due to a genuine health condition, unlike me, almost 100% of women can make enough milk if supply is boosted by varying techniques. All of which were exhausted by me). I feel less guilty than I did at the time....

In my logical head, I know that every day makes a difference to your baby, the NHS slogan of choice. And my own doctor insisted the first two weeks were the most vital, and I managed that! But I can never quieten the mother inside me whose sole ambition as to nurture her baby, and she failed. I remember my mum coming to visit me when Boy was a month old with a tin of formula, crying, and begging me to feed my baby. She had been the one who noticed his tummy rumbling constantly....I just thought babies tummies must do that, he was my first!

I know,in my brain, that I made the right choice to feed my baby with formula, but my heart just can't hear the reasons.

I do intend to breastfeed the new baby, and although the specialist said it is very likely that my condition will remain the same,it's not a dead cert. And I know this time to force myself to ignore the formula-guilt, and combine if/when it becomes apparent that baby is hungrier than it needs to be.

The volunteers at the group told me that I did everything I could last time, I couldn't have done a better job. HID pointed out that he has been saying that for upwards of a year, but that's why I married him, he says all the right things. It seemed more comforting to hear it from a pro-breastfeeding stranger.

As I left, a volunteer I knew quite well insisted I take her phone number, and to text her when the baby was born. She is coming to the hospital to help me establish breastfeeding. "The midwives are often too busy to do much more than check your latch. I'll stay with you until you get it right." I almost cried. The woman has no idea how much relief washed over me as she wrote down her number. I did get help last time,but this time I'm feeling fully armed.

By the way, the picture at the top? Checkout mama merit badges.
Even if you managed one feed, stop beating yourself up and feel proud: you breastfed your baby. There is no need to feel guilty that you didn't feed up until school age. All those fellow breastfeeders out there, well done!